


Past Horrors

by AmbieBambi



Category: Snowpiercer (2013)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbieBambi/pseuds/AmbieBambi
Summary: Curtis recalls memories of life on the train. Trauma. Dark. Deeds done to survive.
Relationships: Curtis Everett/Reader
Kudos: 7





	Past Horrors

[Originally posted by chrisevansdorito](https://tmblr.co/ZDkN-k1hXsbyP)

Your fingers trailed over his chest underneath the layers slowly, swirling small patterns over Curtis collarbone in the dark as the train barreled towards nowhere, always nowhere. It was endless, and a rabbit hole of a thought you’ve personally crawled out of many times. Curtis arm was folded above your head, his own fingers brushing into your hair gently near your temple.. For once it was a peaceful time, and the whole tail end energy seemed to sigh in relief. 

The quiet around them broke with Edgar, saying Curtis name. Where your cheek rested against his shoulder, you could feel the vibrations of Curtis voice as well as hear his deep baritone. “What’s that Edgar?" 

"I was just thinking about my mother, but it’s all starting to disappear.”

You could feel the immediate change in Curtis underneath you, and you close your eyes as the sinking feeling in your chest physically hurt you, knowing that Curtis was falling into that dreaded rabbit hole. Tension riddled his body and became still. You held your breath waiting to see how he would respond, and released when he answered. “How far back can you remember?" 

"Just a little of what she looks like, I think. Maybe I made it up….”

As Edgar continued, you could feel Curtis falling away from you into his own mind. His hand pulled away from your head and moved to rub on his arm. Lifting your head off his shoulder, you shifted to a sit, turning his face to look at you, talking soft enough for just Curtis to hear. “Baby it was so long ago…. ” you continued, but already he was pulling away. 

Fuck it was a lifetime ago, and yet plagued him whenever he dropped his guard, unexpected moments like Edgar wanting to remember his mom. Years of his decisions were based on that memory. 

_It had been weeks, people were dying off, starvation, dehydration, injuries, and the vulnerable, killed. People scrounged the corpses of there clothing, valuables, anything worthwhile till the corpse discarded into any space not obtained by a living person, and then as starvation came, the bodies no longer became an issue. Curtis quickly obtained a blade once the mayhem started, fighting off several attacks that would come at any suspected moment, resulting in several injuries. The worst being a long slice along his ribs. Patching as best as he could with rags he had taken, the bleeding finally stopped, but all to soon infections took over his various wounds. Fevered, starving and loosing the humanity he had left, he joined the masses who started doing the unthinkable…_

“Curtis, that isn’t our life anymore.” You whispered against his ear, as you had settled back in against his side. His hand massaged his arm, cradling it closer and his face screwed up in the horror of his memories. 

“She was a beautiful woman Edgar and would have done anything for you” Curtis told his friend, speaking louder for the man in the lower bunk to hear him.

_And she had, cradling her baby to her chest as she backed away from the mob of people, the screaming swaddle against her chest was a little over a year old boy, a piece of busted metal held out to swing at anyone close, trying to reason with them. “Hes so little, it isn’t even worthwhile! Get the Fuck away from me! Ple-please god, help us" Her back pressed against the wall, trying to meld herself away from sight. “Spare us, I promise I will make it worth your while!” She pleaded with them, her eyes darting back and forth between the young men, falling to Curtis, breaking in a sob and her metal bar shook. Curtis looked away as guilt and horror momentarily paused him, his resolve taking over and a shake of his head sealed her fate._

_Another swing, in which Curtis ducked and lunged forward, tackling her against the trains wall with a heavy dazing thump. She tried to shield herself, twist out of his hold, but she could never be a match against him. Curtis didn't even pause, right now his instincts were life or death, and the need to survive outweighed his actions. The hilt of the knife was heavy as he spun it around, sweeping it in a upward motion into her abdomen, her scream turning into a moan as he jerked his knife back from her body, grasping a hold of the baby as she collapsed in a pool of blood and train filth. Her body was swarmed like jackals to a carcass, they hadn't done the deed, but they were willing to do the next hardest part._

_Curtis emerged from the people, staggering among the people trailing behind the mob. In his arms the baby quieted, maybe he felt a different kind of fear that swallowed over his need to cry. Watery baby blues stared up at the man carrying him, seconds left of his life. The world around Curtis narrowed to what he was about to do, he would think its gotten easier by now, but it hasn’t. He just internalized it more, making excuses in his head. This was far more humane then what he would grow up in, he would make it quick, painless. No one deserved to have to survive, not this innocent soul._

_The blade in Curtis’s hand still dripped the mothers hot blood, flooding his senses with the taste of iron on his tongue, and it actually made his starvation pains clench, begging for it. Lifting it, he had it aimed, the baby in his arms, all blue eyed infant with the beginnings of a toothy wail screwing up his face, all it would take was to drop the knife, seconds stretching out the pause, all of it was so wrong, his mind chanting how much of a monster hes become._

_Before his knife could find its mark, an angered voice approached from the back, side stepping among the mob who was scattering off with there ill gained hoard. “Give it here, Give me the knife” Curtis grip tightened, white knuckled around the blade, but then handed it over, assuming that he was going to continue what he was struggling to do. But he turned to his bone thin arm, and hacked it off, quickly as possible. Without hesitation and tossed it. “If your so hungry, eat this. Leave me the Baby.”_

_That was the day it all changed. Sacrifices of body parts made, they all pooled together to care take the wounded who lost limbs. Curtis tried, the shame of what had happened, his part in it all eating at the bit of humanity he had gained back. The knife he had used these past few weeks, he turned on himself, the blades tip dipped into the flesh of his forearm, all her nerves screaming as it dug deeper. Tendons, muscles jarring at the act, blood welling from beneath the metal and seeping in a racing track down to the crook of his arm. The blade was dull, it took immense pressure on his part to get it as far as it did. An exhale of a painful cry overtook him, and the blade fell from his trembling hand. The shame, he couldn't even finish going through with this. Weak, he was a weak man. This is the first time he saw you. Stepping from the shadows, you knelt next to him, nothing more then a girl. Unwrapping a scarf from around your neck, you bound his arm. “Stop, you don;t have to do this…. see” Through the gate came Wilfords men, and instead of coming to do a head count, they wheeled in the Protein Bars, and its been that way ever since._

“Curtis, you had to. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you” You continued to assure him, which was true. Over the years he became that first sacrifices, Gilliams right hand man, both of you finishing growing together. You didn’t hold any of his past actions against him, you knew it was a time of desperation. You did the same thing, it was survival. Finally you heard Curtis sigh, coming back from the memories. His face turned and his arm that he would always favor came around your hip, pulling you in to spoon against him. your hand rested on his forearm where it was pressed against your stomach. Having escaped the rabbit hole once more, you finally relaxed. 

His thoughts didn’t stop even as you fell asleep. A better man wouldn’t keep you as he did, a better man would let you go. He still had two arms to hold you tight, never making that sacrifice the others did, less then a man. Monster. 


End file.
